Larry’s Thoughts
I would recommend either reading this after the podcast titled The Inspiration. It does not have a numerated title, as it should have been the first. If you have not listened to it, read this post, then listen to the podcast. It may make more sense.
Prior to the Zoom call for the podcast, I had e-mailed him the questions that would be asked/covered. He later e-mailed me his notes, which were beautifully put, and I am sharing with his permission.
“Our marriage was really in two parts, eleven years before medicine and eleven during. Peg started out as an artist. She was always an artist, but those last years her creative energies went towards being creative in treating patients. She looked at situations in ways they don’t teach in medical school and some of her attending physicians began to rely on her intuition and innovative approaches to diagnosing situations.
Peg’s dream was to be the best physician possible. That should be what every doctor strives to be, but there are so many obstacles to keep that from happening.
The issue that is most raw for me is the stigma in the medical community for seeking help for any kind of mental or emotional help.
One of the main things that I witnessed was that there was a financial penalty for being a caring, thoughtful physician who took time to examine all aspects of a situation instead of using some kind of algorithm. Peg would really listen to her patients so they left feeling that they were the most important patient in her practice. She almost always took more time than she for what she was reimbursed. In solo practice she couldn’t generate enough money to cover overheard, in a group practice she would have been let go for not meeting her quota.
Paperwork and documentation was overwhelming. To keep up took far longer than she was able to spend time with her patients. Insurance requirements were convoluted and difficult to understand. Medicine became a machine and not a craft.
To physicians or anyone who is contemplating suicide, the most important thing I can say is that if you are having any thoughts about taking your life, know that the devastation of your death will haunt those who loved you for the rest of their lives. You take a part of us with you when you leave. You escaped your pain ~ but transferred to us. You are in a position to diagnose and treat medical problems, so of course it is a temptation to use that knowledge towards oneself. In a rational mind-set you would know ro seek an objective outside voice. Do not self-medicate. I watched that happen. First it was a pill for this, then a different medication to counter-balance the first, it continued. Almost all this was hidden from me. Please be open to someone you trust, if not your family, then a trained professional.
Always know that you will forever be missed.”
~ Larry Schwarm
[Dr. Bicker’s surviving husband and photogropher—https://www.larryschwarm.com/]